Steph (stepharooni) wrote,
Steph
stepharooni

the questions continue to fog my ability to be productive

I cause stomach aches that I only end up choking on in the end...kharma's a bitch and so am I sometimes...I'm also listening to the Cure which can be exactly that, the remedy to all my problems and at the same time just make them all more dramatic and put them to music so they echo in my head more easily...if I sound depressed it's because I am sometimes and also because it's a way to mock anything that's real...these are just the words I type as they come out of my head where I didn't even know I had stored them in the first place. I wish I could sound happy, fresh, and alive but life's not like that all the time...there are those dead moments when the leaves are falling and everything is so uncertain...I can breathe now, but I'm still thinking about it and that's how you know everything under the surface is still corrupted with doubt. I think this will pass...tomorrow it will all be different because there will be distraction...disregard...don't pay too much attention, because if you misinterpret it than we're no better off...and I'm still lost, but I'm starting to spy crumbs of the bread I left behind so I could find my way...I'm just not there yet, 'cause I'm left connecting the dots from one to the other while those in between have been eaten, lost, forgotten...I need a good concert with loud music and the ability to sleep in the next morning...I need to know (on my own, all alone, with no voices encouraging me) that I am worth it...where did that go?
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